Learning

We have just gotten started, and already the lessons have begun. In the past two years of waiting and praying for the open door to begin the adoption process, I have been grown like a plant- watered and weeded. I have learned to give up so much of my desires to be in control. I so very clearly understand that the only one in control is God, and His plans and time frame are perfect. So much better than my own. That has been hard to learn. The waiting to wait more has been hard. But oh the growth! I wouldn't have it any other way. And I know I'll be able to say that in reflection after all the struggles we are bound to go through on this adoption journey.

I had done all the research. I had a binder full of information and had contacted references, collected agency information, prayed over each decision we'd have to make... I knew exactly what steps we needed to take to begin. Just waiting to hear GO.

Two days before our yard sale I became anxious. What if I had heard God wrong and this wasn't His timing? It was asking a lot to raise $500 from the odds and ends we had to sell. Maybe this wasn't possible after all. But my loving Father reassured me, speaking to my heart that through Him all things were possible. I needn't fear. So for what will assuredly be the first of many times I laid this adoption down at His feet and said, "God, you are in control. Not me. May your will be done."

Two days later we had $500 in hand. This was His timing. So I gathered the initial paperwork we needed. Emailed the agency coordinator our family info sheet. Opened a new bank account. Sent off for some official documents. And froze.

The next step would cost $2100. I could wrap my brain around $500. But $2100 when I was just about to have my last day of work for the summer, and last paycheck? If I didn't send the agency the next set of papers I still had something to do other than wait and wonder how we would be able to do the home study. We needed a family picture, something we hadn't taken since Christmas. I found silly reasons to keep putting it off. I was afraid to move forward because it was the last step I had complete control over. Silly. I was doubting God and His ability to provide what we need for the next step. How could I have forgotten His provision just a week prior? I was placing God's ability in a box. Thankfully He found little ways of opening my eyes and setting me straight. I love how He does that!

So with renewed awareness that every aspect of this journey is completely in His more than capable hands, I once again laid it all down at His feet. The time frame that He reveals to provide the next chunk-o-change will be perfect. It might not be when I would like for it to be, but His timing will be perfect. It's my job to be ready and move forward with faith. So we posed for our picture. Gathered the last of the paperwork and tucked it nicely into a priority mail envelope and sent it off yesterday. I have a few minor things I can do at this point to move the ball forward, but for the most part we're seeking His will, beginning fundraising, and praying for $2100.



Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21